Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
