Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
