Porn is love you can see.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
