I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
