One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize