So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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