Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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