Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
