We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
