checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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