there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
even my farts smell like vagina
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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