I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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