2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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