And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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