i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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