These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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