Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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