So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
