my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I die, sorry about rent.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
