I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
