It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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