We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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