Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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