If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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