This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
