and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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