who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
