I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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