she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
