so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
