when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
