my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
