My friends, they love my intelligence
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
