I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
