I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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