he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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