Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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