Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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