dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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