After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
