If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
