why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will be naked everywhere
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
