The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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