remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
