Fine. I'll sleep in my office
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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