here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
