I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
