I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
