I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
