wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
