They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
