apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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