dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
