I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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