Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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