Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
