Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
