Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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