I met the friendliest cop last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
