just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
