just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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