Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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