2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
