He is an equal opportunity slut.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
