the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
