I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, beer. Big fan.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
