If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
