I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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