Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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