Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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