well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
