his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
