You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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