Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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