Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
