He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
