Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
