Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
